Why I’m Grateful for Inventors
Humanity is exceptionally ungrateful to the many inventors who, with their mundane inventions, have made modern, comfortable life possible for the great majority of us. We’re little shits, trying to pretend people like Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and fucking Ronald Reagan deserve all the credit for making the world what it is, when the mechanisms that allow us to not die at 30 and to focus our lives on making money and writing blog posts are probably just as important.
Of course what does it even mean to invent something? Take, for instance, flight. People were flying kites and hot air balloons years before Wilbur and Orville invented their flying device. Those were important inventions that preceded and informed the invention of the airplane. Inventors are inherently mundane because they create things incrementally and are never wholly creative (like all the rest of us). Only a few inventors who invent some really neat looking shit get remembered, but those guys werent really that original. They were just a little more original than the average inventor.
The most famous inventor anyone remembers is Thomas Edison, and thats just because he was absolutely great at business and PR. Who invented the TV? Hell if I know, but its a lot more fun than the goddamn lightbulb. I dont stare at lightbulbs for hours on end while I scratch my scrotum and eat potato chips. Checkmate, Edison.
I even invented very important methods of doing things. I can remember inventing masturbation before I ever knew someone else had. I was a jack-off genius, you know. I also invented some rather creative and efficient ways for masturbating to fetish pornography at the same time as eating a sandwich.
So, next time you sit on the shitter, make sure to thank Nicolas DShittier for inventing it for you. And when you zip the fly of your jeans, remember a gigantic Japanese company makes like 95% of all the zippers in the world. Damn Japanese and their zippers. I bet they didnt even invent the zipper. They invented anime though, which is pretty shitty.